Ponytail Momma: January 2012

My newest guest post:

Eventually I will do my own:)

Thank you so much to MommaReads for featuring me this past quarter. I have truly enjoyed sharing with all of her readers. I would like to end my time here with you all by sharing a little on life with a colicky baby. I know it is a long read, but well worth the time if you or a loved one have a colicky baby. Sorry if it is piecy, it is hard to put nine months of agony into a few pages. I have tried to cover everything I can think of to help those who are in need. If you have a colicky one, please know that my heart goes out to you. I truly hope this will help.

Just a note before you start reading...there is truly no cure for colic. You just have to endure it, but there are ways to somewhat help the situation. We tried almost all of them! You do what you have to to make it through, as long as it is somewhat sane and doesn't cause any harm to that beautiful bundle of screaming joy!
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As I stumbled across the floor in the dark almost tripping over an air mattress, I sat on the double rocking chair and opened up my Pabst Blue Ribbon Tall Boy (who doesn't love PBR?). Through sobbing tears, I took a drink. I held my right hand up in the air; middle finger positioned just right and shouted “We are through! I am so sick of this! You aren’t doing anything!!! Do you hear me, we are through.” All this while hearing a child screaming in the background.

I know…GASP! HOW COULD I? No, I wasn’t at some party. I was at home. I was in the nursery of my beautiful 8 month old baby girl. I had officially hit rock bottom. And yes, I flipped off the one and only J.C. and drank a few sips of beer. It was somehow the only form of rebellion I could think of. I wanted Jesus to know exactly how PISSED OFF I was at him for putting me through this situation. (Like he didn’t know what was happening)

The life of a brand new parent is so interesting. You go in thinking you know a lot, you read books to help you know a lot, but what you find out is…you know nothing. And, those books are only for babies who seem to be perfect little creatures. They give no answers when you are hurting and confused and just want your kid to be healthy and to sleep.

Annie was a beautiful baby girl. I gave birth naturally to one of the most beautiful creatures in the world. I only let you know that I gave birth naturally so you will understand that somehow I justified that if I gave birth naturally, I would have no future problems with her, having gone through all that pain. (Don’t you just love the way a woman can think sometimes!). I was wrong.

There were no complications and our baby girl was so quiet in the hospital. So stinkin’ cute… With her tiny little nose and rosebud lips and pink cheeks. She slept so well that first night.

Little did we know.

The second night in the hospital we heard a baby screaming down the hall. Oh, we felt so bad for those parents. Until our door opened and we realized the blood curdling scream was coming from our very own bundle of joy. That’s the night she was introduced to our binky; which is still a faithful friend in the Hiner house to this day.

What happened between the hospital and month 8 was that our little one was diagnosed with acid reflux, colic, and she had high AST and ALT counts on her liver. However, no one could figure out what was that was truly wrong with her.

Anyone who has someone diagnosed with colic knows that what that really means is “your kid is fussy or mad at the world and there is no cure for it, eventually they will get over it, until then you must learn to endure a certain hell”. She didn’t sleep. She couldn’t sleep. We didn’t sleep. We couldn’t sleep.

We didn’t want to let her “cry it out” because the doctors suggested it might cause some sort of pain with the liver. By the way, she wasn’t one of those cute little happy babies that just lay in bed and played. She laid in bed and screamed. And like I mentioned before, it was loud. So loud in fact, that you could hear her screaming if you were outside the front door and she was in her room. Really loud.

So, a child in pain, getting no rest, constantly refluxing leads to sleep deprived guilt-ridden parents.

Like I said, I will eventually go into detail on daily events and life at the Hiner house during those first nine months, but what I really want to touch on are a few pieces of advice for parents going through this struggle right now.

If you are a parent going through this right now I know you are struggling and looking for anything that will provide relief. You are scouring the internet and checking out tons of books on how to solve this problem. Sucky news for you…there is nothing. However, I can give you lots of tips to help you power through this unfortunate phase of life.

Trust in God. I know it is so cliché. And right now you probably don’t want to hear it, but just keep talking to him. Tell him your feelings, pray, listen to Christian music. Anything you can do to focus on God. I can tell you from experience, you need this, even though it feels like He is not doing jack-crap.
Develop a plan with your partner. We did shift work of watching the baby. He took the shift from bedtime until 1:00 and I watched from 1:00 to morning. I have also heard of couples who took days. One would watch Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and the other would watch the baby the other days.
GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. I know it sounds weird but for some reason it becomes increasingly harder to leave the house with a colicky baby. You feel as if you are the only one who can solve their problem. But remember, they are pissed in general. With or without you there. Get out and walk around Wal-Mart, go to a movie, do something alone. Have a moment and you will feel so refreshed when you return.
Slow down all activities. If your baby has major attitude, chances are you aren’t doing that much anyway. But a good way to help you is to slow down and limit your activities. Just stay at home for a while (minus the one night you get to leave…see above).
Don’t feel guilty. This is a really big one. If you are a parent of a baby with major attitude, talking with all the other parents of kids without them makes you feel really jealous and like you are doing something wrong. You are not. You are an awesome parent. Don’t forget that and don’t feel guilty about a kid who isn’t.
Talk to someone. There are tons of people out there with colicky babies. Many will share tips, be open to all of them (within reason). Sometimes it just feels good to connect with someone to know you are not alone. I had a friend who really helped me with this and it made all the difference.
Do not bear this problem alone. Call on all the reinforcements you can. And really do it. We did not do this as much as we should have. Maybe because of the guilt or fear of rejection. But helpers are essential in this phase of life. Call grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. Ask them to watch your little one for a while. Of course you should forewarn them and let them know what is happening in your life and how just a little time will really help. I remember at one point my mom and I would take shifts holding the binky in while Annie slept. (Don’t judge…you have not been in my shoes, and if you have a colicky kid, you totally understand what I am talking about). Thank you God for reinforcements! And if you are reading this and you are a reinforcement, get on the phone and call that person in need. Let them know you are there to help. It will be appreciated.
Prozac. Yes I said it. This is not for everyone. But I will tell you that I took it for about four months. My doctor kept telling me she thought I should as I weekly took the baby in for blood tests. She noticed my total change of attitude, the dark circles under my eyes, the crying, and the overall defeated feelings. Eventually she explained to me that taking Prozac would not be admitting clinical depression, but that it would help me cope better with only a few hours of sleep and nothing else to go on. And it really did friends. I noticed a difference within a few days. Of course you should definitely discuss this with a doctor first.
Be in the Word of God. I signed up for a daily email. Half the time I didn’t even read the story, but I always read the bible verse and the prayer. Staying in the word will help. It may not provide the relief you seek in the heat of the moment. But coming out of the storm you will feel a much stronger relationship with Jesus.

That is my guide for parents. You need to survive as well. This will make the stressful times a little less stressful.

Here are a few things that worked for us in calming down the baby:

The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp – this book was amazing for calming down the baby (until you have to lay them down…especially since ours hated the swing). But learning about bouncing on the ball was a life saver. We bounced on that ball all the time. I remember one night when my mom bounced on the ball with the baby the whole night just so I could get some rest. There really are some good tips in this book.
Swaddling
We put a fan in the room for some noise
Cereal just before bedtime.
Colic Calm – every night. Sometimes I would put just a little on her binky and that would help as well.
Walks outside in the stroller would always help
Nap Nanny – she was amazing for the reflux. Look her up online.
Zantac for acid reflux
Ask Supernanny: What Every Parent Wants To Know by Jo Frost (This is a Q and A book by The Supernanny. This is where we learned how to sleep train our child. This book SAVED OUR LIVES.)

There are so many more things that you just try over and over to see if it will help.

I truly hope that some of these tips offer you a little relief for what you are going through right now. Please know that you are not alone and you are not a bad parent. God will get you through this. I know, I keep talking about God right? Wasn’t I the one flipping him off at the beginning of this story?

I was. I did. I feel incredibly guilty about it. But, in the heat of the moment I would rather tell my creator, the father who wants me to pour into him how I felt rather than take my anger out on the most beautiful gift he has ever given me.

I thought I had been through many trials in my life. But this one so far has led me to truly depend on Jesus and to have faith that he would eventually get me through. By the way, in my heart I never really renounced God. I just wanted him to understand my pain and the alone feeling I had. He heard my pain. He did not take the problem away immediately, but he helped me to trust that he would help us with our problems.

Now, I am happy to say, that Annie sleeps 12-13 hours a night. She takes regular naps. She is a wonderful healthy 18 month old. She is hilarious and amazing. We love and appreciate her so much for coming through the same hell we did.

I will tell you, chances are if you have a kid who has done the same as ours, there is a really good chance you are going to need to go ahead and invest in the newest book being read at the Hiner house…The New-Strong Willed Child by Dr. Dobson!

Just to add a few more pages, I have included the daily email I received the other day which I believe may help during this time. It is from Crosswalk.com where I signed up for a daily email called Girlfriends in God. Having a kid with colic very much affects the parents in the same way as depression, so I thought this might help a little.

Coming Out of the Dark Part 2[Soft Break]Mary Southerland

Today’s Truth[Soft Break]Isaiah 45:3 “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”

Friend to Friend[Soft Break]Children are wonderfully different. When our son, Jered, was nine months old, he began to pull up on every piece of furniture he could find. For weeks, he maneuvered his way around our home until the day he took his first step alone. It was a step of inches, but we celebrated as if he had completed a marathon. On the other hand, our daughter, Danna, had a different plan. She never pulled up on a piece of furniture and never took “a” step. When she was ten months old, Danna stood up, looked around and trotted across the room. Jered and Danna both walk extremely well today as young adults, but they both began with tiny steps and in their own way.

Nobody gets depressed overnight and nobody overcomes depression overnight. The journey out of the pit is a process of steps uniquely planned by your Father. Let’s look at some of the steps we must take in order to find our way out of the dark.

1.  Wait.  The psalmist simply says,“I waited.” Waiting is not passive. Waiting is a time of preparation, a time of rest and healing, a time when God covers us with the shadow of His wing.

To wait means to accept the pit.

Isaiah 45:3 is a compelling verse, “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name.”

Any time the word, “LORD” is capitalized, it means “Father” or “Dearest Daddy.” This verse indicates that our Father has gone before us and, in every dark moment or painful circumstance, has buried a treasure or stored a secret. The only way we can find the treasure or learn the secret is to pass through that darkness. Some things cannot be learned in the light. The pit of depression has become a hedge of protection in my life, a warning light that something is wrong or out of balance. To wait means to accept the pit, knowing it is for our good.

To wait means to admit there is a problem.  Isaiah 40:29 “He gives power to the tired and worn out, and strength to the weak.”

We must be willing to admit we are struggling, but pride often prevents us from doing so. Emotional health begins at the point of emotional integrity, being willing to say “I need help!” and being honest with ourselves and with others. When clinical depression first overwhelmed my life, my husband, Dan, was the pastor of a large, fast-growing church in South Florida. We could choose to be transparent and real or we could sweep my struggle under the rug. We concluded that to be right, we had to be real. Dan and I shared my battle with the staff, the deacons and then with the entire church.  Yes, we took a risk but learned an important lesson in doing so. A shared load is a lighter load because we were created to need each other.

To wait means to be still. “I waited.” To wait means to hope in and look for someone or something who will rescue us.

So much about God can never be known on the run. We can get so wrapped up in everyday life that we fail to be wrapped up in Him. The busier we are, the more stillness and rest we need. During those two years in the pit, I not only gave up every role of leadership in church, I could not even attend church at times because of panic attacks. The Father taught me an important truth. He is more concerned with who I am than what I do.

2. Cry out for help.  Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.”

People struggling with depression often look for help in the wrong places. Let me share with you some of the rightplaces.

God. Your Fatherstands waiting to hear your voice; and when you cry out to Him, He comes running – through His Word, through prayer and through His people. There was a terrible storm and the little girl was afraid. When she cried out in fear, her father came running down the hall, into the bedroom and scooped her up in his arms as he said, “Honey, God will take care of you.” The tearful child replied, “I know God loves me and will take care of me but right now, I need somebody with skin on.” If you cry out to God, He will come to you in some way.

Doctors and counselors. Proverbs 15:22 gives us an important truth when it says, “Plans go wrong with too few counselors; many counselors bring success.” I encourage anyone experiencing depression to get a physical because depression is often rooted in a physical problem, requiring medication. The medication does not eliminate the depression but simply levels the playing field so whatever is triggering the depression can be addressed. Christian counselors are a gift from God. He knew we would need them.

Others. 1 Thessalonians 5:11 instructs us to “encourage each other and give each other strength.” I would never have survived the pit of clinical depression without the help and encouragement of family and friends. Members of our church brought meals, cleaned house and helped take care of our kids.  The deacons were guardian angels at church and other women took my place in leadership. I would still be in that pit if it were not for these people who helped rescue me. Has it affected their opinion of me? Yes! It has shown them that I am just like them and has given them permission to face their own weaknesses. You may be thinking, “I have no one in my life that will help me.” If you cry out to God, He will bring you help.

3.  Count on God to come through.  One of the promises I clung to while sitting in the darkness of depression was Psalm 107:13-14. “Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains.” The Psalmist promises that when you cry out to God, He will:

·          “lift you up out of the slimy pit”[Soft Break]·          “set your feet on a rock”[Soft Break]·          “give you a new place to stand”[Soft Break]·          “put a new song in your heart”[Soft Break]·          “use your pit so that others will “see and trust God”.

God is drawn to broken people. Psalm 40:1 says “He turned to me.” Notice it does not say David turned to God. Honestly, I doubt David had the strength to turn to God – so God turned to him. God heard the cry of David, and He will hear yours. I was angry at God but He never turned away from me. Instead, He surrounded me with His love and compassion and as Psalm 56:8 promises, He knew every tear I cried. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”  You can count on God to come through.

4.  Be patient. “I waited patiently for the Lord.” The word “patiently” means “without tiring and with perseverance.” To come out of the darkness takes time and requires patience. It took me many years to hit rock bottom. It took me two years to climb out of that pit and I am still climbing. Yes, I still battle depression from time to time. I have asked God to deliver me, but He has said “no.” Do you know what my name, Mary, means — bitter, but when broken, sweet. Depression keeps me broken and anything that makes me cry out to God can be counted as a blessing. When we come to the end of ourselves, God begins.

The story is told of a little boy who was walking home when he spotted a caterpillar struggling to get out of its cocoon. Feeling sorry for the helpless creature, the little boy ran home, grabbed a pair of scissors and ran back to cut the caterpillar free. He watched it spread its wings and try to fly, only to discover that it couldn’t. It is in the struggle out of the darkness of the cocoon that the butterfly’s wings gain enough strength to fly. Be patient.  I don’t know if you are in a pit and need help or if someone you love is in that pit and you need to help them. One thing I do know is that the purpose of the pit is to purify then restore. Right now, surrender the broken pieces of your life to God and watch as he brings you out of the dark. Do not quit!  Do not give up! God is at work in your life.

Philippians 1:6 “And I am sure that God who began the good work within you will keep right on helping you grow in his grace until his task within you is finally finished on that day when Jesus Christ returns.”

Let’s Pray[Soft Break]Father God, my heart is filled with chaos and confusion. I feel as if I am drowning in my circumstances, my heart filled with fear and confusion. I need the strength and peace that only You can give. Right now, I choose to rest in You. [Soft Break]In Jesus’ name,[Soft Break]Amen.

Now It’s Your Turn[Soft Break]Read Philippians 4:7 (NIV) “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Make a list of the dark places in your life today. Surrender each one to God. Ask Him to bring light into your heart and mind and help you walk in His peace. Now, walk in that peace today. When the waves of darkness come, remember each one now belongs to your Father.

More from the Girlfriends[Soft Break]Can you believe 2012 is here, like a clean slate filled with new beginnings and fresh starts? However, what did we learn in 2011 that will make a difference in 2012? As the holiday season winds down, I pray your heart and mind will look ahead to all that this year holds. Guard your heart and mind against darkness. Stand firm in God’s power and presence. He is faithful and He is sufficient for whatever tomorrow brings.

Need help getting the Word of God into your life? Check out Mary’s Weekly Online Bible Study, Light for the Journey to learn how to face, deal with and surrender your fears to God. This new study, When I Am Afraid, begins January 16.

And be sure to get your copy of our new 12-week devotion book, Trusting God.

Seeking God?[Soft Break]Click here to find out more about [Soft Break]how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

Girlfriends in God[Soft Break]P.O. Box 725[Soft Break]Matthews, NC 28106[Soft Break]info@girlfriendsingod.com[Soft Break]www.girlfriendsingod.com

Love, The PonyTail Momma

Ponytail Momma

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Was there a full moon?

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Happiest Baby on the Block

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